And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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