i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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