I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
