Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
