wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
