My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i think im in europe. pls send help
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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