remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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