dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
there is puke in my bra ... again
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