Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
