Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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