Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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