listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
