His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
