i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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