Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
