Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
