guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
