the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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