hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
