so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
