A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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