so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
