I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
