dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
