I molested 6 butterflies tonight
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
