We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You work out of a Hotel?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We just shotgunned beers for America
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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