1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
