I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
