Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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