i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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