Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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