HIV tests are more positive than that guy
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
