just survived the first fart of the relationship.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
