So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
