how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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