Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
