He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
