had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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