she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
