dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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