New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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