This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
