I swear she didn't look like that last week.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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