I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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