Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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