oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Never joke about your clitoris.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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