my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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