Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
