New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
