is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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