He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
