Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
