if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
